Thursday, 22 December 2011
An intense week of emotions and releases after launching my very own intimate soul to the public. A week I’ll never forget.
This has been a hell of a ride and I don’t know where to even begin. I will begin with how I feel in this very moment. I am overwhelmed and emotional, and if you know a woman, you know this feeling can change by the next sentence.
Curiously enough, before 
deciding to embark on this intense journey of sexual exploration, I never gave too much attention to my feelings and emotions, until one day, I discovered their role and the value they add to my life. They have guided me to my self-realization, and have become the secret code to my personal treasure chest.
A week ago, on December 16, 2011, Destin and I launched our teaser video release for our film project, “Endless Seduction: An Initiation into Ecstatic Pleasure…”
Since then, I’ve been swimming, surfing, and have felt close to drowning in a sea of emotions. Emotions that I haven’t felt in a while, emotions that I didn’t know I had, and emotions that feel somehow familiar.
Everything has changed, is changing, and will keep changing, forever.
From the way I look, think, and take care of myself, to the way others reflect back and do the same.
I’ve become a vessel for self reflection around sexuality by doing the most vulnerable thing I could ever do in my life.
As a co-creator of Endless Seduction, I’ve become subject to emotional attack or harm, by taking on a journey in which I launch my own “intimate soul into the public.” I have stepped into an unidentified role in an unknown platform where I share my gifts of being a woman. Gifts that have been suppressed and locked down for thousands of years.
I strongly believe that we are all here to share our own unique gifts with the world. We all have them, and I embrace all of them, including my sexuality.
Today, my sexuality happens to be a gift in my life, which is something I didn’t believe when I had my first accidental orgasm at the age of 5, while climbing the side pole of a swing set. My experience was quite the opposite. My sexuality then was something I was taught to be ashamed of, embarrassed about, and didn’t really know much about or who to turn to for questions.
A few too many painful unconscious choices culminating in the loss of my unborn child from the man I was deeply in love with at the time, led me to the awakening of my spirit and my Initiation to Ecstatic Pleasure began.
After many months of depression and healing from this life changing event, I connected with “mi angel de placer” (angel of pleasure) Destin Gerek, in the early hours of New Year’s Day 2011. Since then we’ve been on the Endless Seduction dance floor. He has become my lover, partner, coach, friend, teacher, enemy, and beloved one who goes by “The Erotic Rockstar.”
As I reminisce and write my first entry a week after the launch, I am listening to the frog outside my home. After a quick google search on frog symbology, I found that its “song heralds the earth’s rebirth and renewal.” I get it. The release was a launch of unknown waves of life clashing at the very depths of my soul.
Before we even launched the video, I was scared out of my mind and was freaking out. I’ve never ever done anything like this before and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone or hurt myself in the process because the truth is I’m simply exploring my sexuality.
Wildly enough, in this exploration there’s an audience. This audience sees, feels, and experiences my sexual exploratory journey through the eyes of a woman who was raised in a conservative traditional Catholic Mexican environment as I confront my very own judgements, guilt, shame, and fears.
After running away from this journey many times, I feel like I was meant to do this project. I know this because it’s the most challenging, confronting, and vulnerable project I’ve ever done in my life. And if there’s one thing I know about myself it’s that I LOVE challenges.
I have a history of breaking records, because I have a passion for testing my personal limits. Breaking records to me is like breaking through paradigms. For the last 13 years, my running career was the platform for me to experience those paradigm shifts. Today, I am no longer training competitively, I am working with a wild, mysterious, and potent energy called sexuality.
Last week’s launch and release of emotions, led me to connect with a beautiful soul sister who was sharing with me in tears that the video was so beautiful and that it changed her life. And emotions of tensity and disconnection from a dear cosmic brother who doesn’t see how this can help me in any way. These individuals both care about me and I love, value, and honor our unique special connection dearly.
Who knows if this is the right thing, or the wrong thing now? All I know is that this is a powerful journey, and I’ve surrendered to my assignment in this present moment in my life. What got me in constant tears for months after the loss of my baby, has now evolved into an explorative sexual journey which you have been seduced to become a part of.
I believe together, as a group of collective conscious creators, we can shift and create a new reality or as I like to say “creality”, in which sexuality is beautiful, sacred, safe, honored, cherished, celebrated, respected, loved, and becomes a portal for spiritual connectivity.
Gracias for joining Destin and I in this journey of “Endless Seduction: An Initiation into Ecstatic Pleasure…”
Namaste,
iXchel
muuahh!